Omega 3 Vitamins Zoom Zoom Buster

Casanova may have been a ninny compared to the beefcakes and underwear models prancing about my fashion zines and sex 2.0 spots today. Fabio was a silly face compared to the digital masterpiece bodies of a world gone photoshop crazy. Who knows what reality is, when I can turn my boyfriend’s sixpack into an eight pack or a twelve pack. I can computerize up my boyfriend with fourteen pack abs goddamnet, and I do and will!

You want to talk about how to relieve stress? You want to talk about Primal Nutrion? Bring it on periwinkle, because I will smash your ape man and his healthy genetics into a zillion micronized megapixels. I’ll walk up and down the spine of the mammoth beast of sexy health, then and now, and forever, amen.

Took the short train to the health station, choo choo! What a fiasco, all dressed up in spandex workout pantaloons and not a rope to skip. Big Sports 5 was the old hip gym-store station, but Sports chalet just planted itself in the nest made by the old Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and they’re storming the retail health blast field, selling weights and kayaks and fiber-goretex-titanium water bottles without remorse. They sold me my jump rope, a heavy, rubber thing with beautiful blue rivets for my tiny hands to grasp. I could snap the wings off a forty pound moth with my wieldy doomsday jump rope.

The real question for the damage control gurus, the Sports Chalet charistas is, where’s the chalet buffet? I’d like a protein bar with my diet pomegranate blueberry extract juicifacation power slurpee please. How about a side of wheyables? Wheyt thins? Wheyt watchers, anyone? Let me dictate the demands of my health food upon retail and sell it to me with my Nordic Track.

Don’t you think its time Primal Nutrition and omega 3 vitamins got together for a big paleo health party? Let’s make it happen, and where better to make it happen in the chalet in the nest of the old B, B, & B? The new B, B, & B is indeed beyond, all the way across the street with fancy new windows and an escalator made just for shopping carts, how thoroughly Los Angeles.

Hey, what’s a caveman diet?